The worst part about telling someone that you’re tired is that they play it off as just sleep deprivation or something similar. I’m so tired. In every sense of the word. In every regard of my being. I feel like the weight of the whole world, my world, is on me and I’m buckling.

How long can I go like this? I got no clue..

Just to breathe and feel rested is something foreign to me these past few years. But I’m doing it for them…

I wish I could play piano, at least there will be a way to let things out somehow..

Some of us are really doomed to live on poisonous breaths and keep moving on each day, while also trying to act like they see the stars on cloudy nights for them to preserve the existence of that finn line to stay alive, or at least to not surrender what’s left to them in this paradoxical world.

So its down to this, a cycle of infinite fights over and over against myself and everything that comes with it. Goals not achieved, nor stability reached. Alot of confusing chaotic paths, all sharing the same end line… A lost sense of being home without having one to start with. Alot of unexpressed emotions and solitude with wounds from previous fights… Do I even belong anywhere ? Do I have anyone to call or to reach out to in my true nature ? Can I feel anything other than total despair and disappointment in myself and its achievements… Will that day come ? or Will it end before I can even reach anything…

I’m still trying though… I barely know what to do after ignoring everything thanks to fake motives to keep the hope alive and to find a way out and maybe.. maybe reach somewhere out of where life has cornered me… But it feels like I’m walking through a dark, empty, lonely cold road… and with years going by…