I’m half-Indian and have been living in Europe since about 10 years now. I did my schooling from India and faced a lot of issues at that time too, boys thinking I’m “loose” or that they can do anything they want just because I look like a foreigner due to being half-european. I was just 14 years old when my childhood “friend”, with whom I and my brothers grew up playing, took advantage of me and touched my breasts when were playing hide and seek in a dark place, he tried to play it as an accident and that he didn’t know what he was doing just because it was dark. This is just a few of those instances. I really struggled with my self-esteem and mental health due to this during that time. That got better the more time I spent abroad after completing my schooling, but still it left a bad taste in my mouth for India and I hardly ever want to return. Everything just seems so much heavier in India, everything so much more difficult. So many issues, so many conflicts and problems that people face.

A few days ago, on 22nd January, I was on an Indigo flight from Istanbul to Delhi. It started off well and I was pleasently surprised with the flight as I was warned before not to come in an Indigo flight. I was sitting on an aisle seat, an uncle and his wife, probably in their 50-60s were sitting beside me. We just exchanged a friendly smile when sitting and that’s it. I thought nothing of it and was comfortable. After the food service and about 3 hours before landing, all lights were turned off to let people sleep. I was on my phone watching my downloaded netflix series. I got a little annoyed the first time because the man lifted the armchair between us and was sitting very close to me. His wife was sleeping and so was he pretending to be, so I thought it must be just him sleeping and not noticing, as the seats were quite tight. This continued for about an hour and I increasingly got more uncomfortable as got closer and closer to my seat, but still no alarm bells for me as I thought he’s sleeping and not noticing what he’s doing. Then he changed sides and put his hand on my breast while doing so. I got very annoyed and warning signals started playing in my mind. Still I tried to ignore it and thought maybe I’m just overthinking it and it was a mistake. After a while, he puts his hand on my thigh, and I just freeze. He’s still pretending to be asleep. I dont know why but I can’t move or do anything, so his hand is just there. Then after a few minutes, he starts to move his hand even further up, towards my crotch area. That’s where I took his hand and slammed it back to him. He didn’t react and just continued sleeping. After a few monutes he again puts his hand on my thigh while pretending to move in his sleep, more towards my crotch. I freeze again and can’t move for a few minutes as I’m just in shock, my heartbeat was so fast and I just wanted to cry. Then his wife sort of moves in her seat, and he hurridly puts away his arm from me. I thought it was over. Then again, after a few minutes, he puts him hand on me and he squeezes my thigh. I got so so angry and slammed his hand away. I was ready to burst into tears and was so so angry, I get up and try to search for an airhostess so that they can change my seat. No air hostess in sight and everything is dark as everyone’s sleeping. I got up and down the plane several times and then spot an airhosstess, who just asked me to wait at the back. I waited there for 15 minutes and told 3 of them what happened. They didn’t really take it seriously to be honest and said there’s no free seat as the flight is full. Went back to my seat then and had to ask the man sitting behind me if he is willing to change his seat with me as I’m feeling uncomfortable. He agreed and we changed seats. I was still sitting right behind him. When we landed and I got up to collect my overhead cabin bag, he looked at me and grinned.

It’s been 3 days and I’m still thinking about it. I feel so stupid, that I let it happen. I should have screamed, should have done something more. I keep thinking, was it something I did? Was the formal smile we exchanged at the beginning too much? Was it my fault? Do I look so naive and gullible, that he knew he could do anything and I won’t say anything?

I’m so disgusted. I’m so angry. He was with his wife. She was sleeping peacefully right beside him. He didn’t look dangerous or pervy. I’m so angry. I’m so done with India and I think i’ve hit breaking point. Nothing has improved since I left India 10 years old and I’m back to feeling the exact same way when I was back in school.